Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Will exercising make me less horny?
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