Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
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Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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