it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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