i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
