Yo dont text me then not text me
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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