Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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