I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
