the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
