i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Someone stole a lamp last night.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
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