so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
