I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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