You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
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