he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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