i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
