if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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