oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
