I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
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uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
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Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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