Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
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