going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
