His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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