too bad you live with your parents still
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I FOUND THE LEGS
is that a dick in a sweater?
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
