thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
and i looked up. we had an audience...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
