Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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