a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
