I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
