never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
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It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
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