The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
