She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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