i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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