I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
