This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I just want nice things and good sex
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Randomize
