Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
