Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
