She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
So. Much. Porn.
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