i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
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