he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Randomize
