i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
