he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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