I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Randomize
