I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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