I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
