Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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