then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Randomize
