If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
