my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
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