thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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