Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Shame - the story of my life.
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