Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
