I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
