If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Randomize
