I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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