How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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