i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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