just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
