i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
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