just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
