Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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