Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
