So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
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You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
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We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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