if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
