There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize