i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
