I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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