just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
