right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
