dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
