I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Randomize
