lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Randomize
