Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
