I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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