i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
