people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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