there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
