Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
