I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
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