i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
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Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
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You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
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