I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
