Ketchup is God's man juice
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
