Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
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