Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
