You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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