you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
