She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize