tell your sister to shave her snatch
you traded sex for a burrito?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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