We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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