So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
