Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Can Purell be used as lube?
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
