i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
