im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize