Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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