I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
Randomize
