Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
