why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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