Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Randomize
