hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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